Pepsikumar-Pepsi Pyaar aap sabka Yaar: Bus No 422- Journey In Life

Pepsikumar-Pepsi Pyaar aap sabka Yaar: Bus No 422- Journey In Life: "Wc I had just finished my M.B.A. and was searching for job in H.R. Field when the unlucky recession hit the scene. I considered m..."

Bus No 422- Journey In Life

Wc

I had just finished my M.B.A. and was searching for job in H.R. Field when the unlucky recession hit the scene. I considered myself as one of the most unluckiest man in the world. That’s because my luck never worked in favour for me. I always lost in Gambling games. I have lost many bets/challenges. Since childhood I was unluckier many times and that’s the reason even today I don’t trust my luck to use in share market or gambling business or real estate or any other trade where luck runs the show. I had some good luck also. In my autobiography , in start I have written in what all aspects I Feel lucky but later on as I move on with Life, I have met with many challenges where I fought very hard and adjusted my Life accordingly for others happiness. That’s where my bad luck starts. I have adjusted many times for the world forgetting my own world.

                                    I am lucky to many and unlucky to few but I am unlucky to myself most of the time. I still don’t know what is Life ?  and for what it is and how it is ? and finally how it is lived ?. I don’t know about others view on Life but mine Life kept on revolving around Nation and Love only. And because of this two combinations Nation and Love-I had many friends and relatives socially attached with me.

                                                Sometimes my extreme love for nation makes me far away from my family and friends. And sometimes Love makes me to forget nation for a while.

Still Nation v/s Love if occurs in me then always nation will win for me because I feel I am born for it rather than love. I think its my nation which taught me what is Love. And for this reason I didn’t want to fall in love or get married which can become a obstacle for my love for my indebted nation. That’s the reason, I never allowed myself to fall in Love at full stretch. I controlled myself very much in Love (which was my biggest mistake in love because Love is uncontrollable). I am still repenting for that but I was helpless due to my other Love-Nation. Some of my friends also suggested me that keep nation to a limit, why are u making nation as your Life.

                                                  And my answer was “had my nation been treated well by my fellow Indians, I would have stopped bothering about nation and concentrated on love instead”. This answer literally stopped any next question related to it. But again some common question pops out frequently i.e. “You alone can’t change the world or India. It’s too complicated!”

                                                And my answer to this question would be “I know I can’t do it alone, but still let me try to do it, at least something good for nation because that alone brings me immense happiness and sadness. (Sorry but I have become habitual now to it).then people used to say “tera kuch nahi ho sakta ,vinod J.”

                                                  Ya, I got strayed away from the Title topic, but often reading the prequel you will get to know the latter part of the story easily. Continuing from the prequel, I was unlucky in many ways considering that I never got what I desired most of times. Ya, I know this is common phenomenon; everyone goes through this unlucky phase. But I was shattered when I was frequently failing in my two principle components of Life

1)      Nation

2)      Love

Since childhood, I tried to learn ,understand and then to fall and win in love , but I think I have not yet completed my learning and understanding part of love otherwise why would a guy aging 28 years ( marriageable age ) still not fallen in love and still is a Virgin ? L. That means haven’t experienced Lust either (if experienced haven’t used it completely). There are still many guys & gals around this age being Virgin or not being in Love. But a Guy like me not being in love yet sends tremouring news across my friendship circle because almost in every class, every place-I had attempted to fall in love and I was a true follower of love because I preached the message of love (spoke always positive about love). I used to help my friends find their love rather concentrating on my Love. My love attempts were varying-Some was too short (few minutes), while some was too long (such as 4 years) but all were FOSLA TYPE (One sided Love )

                                    

Even this last Love is being said that it is nothing but another one sided story. (Some say it’s Infatuation). But this one is so special because this one made me to read books (which I hated most ) and because of whom I am writing this book so that she would read my book the way she likes to read many books during her journey with me in Bus No.422.

                                     

Actual Journey begins now…

It was on January month-end I was searching for a new job after completing my M.B.A. Course  from a Navi Mumbai College and after working in brief stints as H.R. Recruiter in an H.R. Firm in Thane and in a B.P.O. firm in Vashi.

                                                I  tried a lot for finding jobs before joining this company in Andheri where I am working now. In all interviews, I spoke the truth and gave answers confidently, but this move led to Recruiter doubting my honesty and them asking me more questions which extracted more confusion than replies. So I decided for a change, I tried to speak lies somewhat on basis of truth- and that did wonders indeed-I was selected in that company and was asked to join it from 1^st Feb. I was surprised by this selection done after faking a bit. Surprisingly, there was no vacancy before for the post in which I am working right now because of the fact that such post never existed before in real sense as that company was a new one and they were not sort of looking for anyone in B.D.M. (Business Development Manager) as still the company was in developing phase.

                                                They sort of created a profile for me specially and that also they did it on basis of my Chemical Engineering and not on basis of my M.B.A (HR). Above all, the recruiter (main boss –C.EO. of our company) asked me whether I have basic internet knowledge and I promptly said “yes” emphasizing my MS Office & Internet knowledge during my Engineering & M.B.A days. But, I was not aware that my Boss had selected me for a post for which my principle qualification like Chemical Engineering & M.B.A (HR) had no relevance. I was put into R & D department and asked to study about Testing. I did that well and submitted the report to my boss. I was happy that my Chemical Engineering was being used somewhat in this testing job but later on-No R & D tasks were given to me. I had been assigned the task of marketing. Marketing was the field which I was interested in before selecting HR During M.B.A Course. I was kinda Market Analyst. Research man or so Market Innovator. I was weak in Market sales still I was sometimes asked to work in Market sales, where I couldn’t do much productive work.  Good aspect of my job was the confused job profile which I was handling of B.D.M. –( Business Development Manager). This was the profile which I had named after recovering from the confusion of handling R & D as well as marketing job. I was happy to handle this confused job profile because it was similarly confusive as me in my whole life.

                                    Second good aspect of it was that it was in Andheri- my dream place in Mumbai since childhood.

                                    Third good aspect was Salary. I demanded for Rs 15,000 and they promptly agreed to give me so without any hesitation or without questioning about my desired CTC. Hardly, I had opportunity to heard “Yes” in my life . So this yes coming for job, salary was like getting me energy to rejunavate my boring Life.

                                    I was very excited by this job and I came energetically charged for this company in Andheri. So here started my journey through Bus. I came here for interview also via Bus. So same way I started my workdays catching same bus routes i.e. 422,424,425 ( Ordinary buses). These all buses were heavily crowded depending on its destination like Bandra, Goregoan Versova etc . So I started my struggling journey towards my favourite suburb-Andheri. I tried all my experiments of easier journey on each new day. But I failed to get any easy journey during peak hours and that also to a suburb in West  like Andheri from a far distant suburb like Bhandup in East.

I loved trains very much but I hated crowded trains whether it was long route express trains or short route passenger/local trains immaterial for me. While for bus, I would say I loved to become Bus  driver because I had travelled in school days. At that time, I had habit of sitting always at the front seats near Bus drivers and Conductors because I loved to see fast vehicles and I was similarly passionate about our school bus driving more faster than other vehicles and those were the days , I started admiring Buses a lot.  Initially it was my school Buses( Vanita Trasnport )  for my school St. Xaviers ,Bhandup and then I liked the Yellow coloured Tata Buses of L & T Company, Powai and finally my love for our Mumbai’s best transport –B.E.S.T. Even I admired the Public transport Buses in my native place in Tamilnadu ( Kanniyakumari ) for its different look and its speed. That’s the reason we as cousins used to play Bus-Bus in childhood during Vacation days at my native place in Kanniyakumari. Even we used to play such way in Mumbai.

                                                So, this is the reason for the Passion of driving a Bus and my Hobby of becoming a Bus driver J. During my school and College days, I used to analyze which route B.E.S.T Buses are great in speed and tried to travel in those route buses only even though almost every B.E.S.T. Buses pass through our St.Xaviers school and home.

So this way my passion for B.E.S.T. buses continued even-though I faced horrible journey experience like, crowded people who kept on pushing each other while boarding while exiting , while standing etc. experienced pick-pocketers, perverts ,nose pokers, ass scratchers ,spitters, and scoundrels who come to travel only to quarrel with anyone. I adjusted all these factors and tried to bear all the pains during the one and half hour traffic jammed daily journey. Still I was looking for change, I was very happy with Job but very unhappy with journey because people don’t even respected queues sometimes. I was helpless, I was as usual abusing and murmuring myself saying “When will we people become civilized enough to make India proud. I tolerated all the nonsense done by fellow Indians of breaking rules because I know speaking against them would invite trouble as majority were breaking rules. I kept quiet and I always stroked hard when my patience level crossed limits. In other words I used Gandhigiri ways of tolerating them by using taunts “ pointing our national upbringing the so called chalta hai attitude” frequently with the hope that atleast some people would stand properly, atleast some people wont spit from buses etc. This indirect way of hitting the culprits was helping me to remain safe from troubles.

                                         It was going on well with the adjustment journey from Bhandup to Andheri that suddenly I tried for better option of another Route 496 which cut short my journey by almost half hour and morever it was from Thane to  Andheri, and hence it was one bus which had my destination-Andheri as their final destination of that particular route  -496. Also it was helping me to get seats while returning because this route bus started from Andheri. And another good news was that I was having 3 more other buses along the same

Powai-Mulund Route

. I was using my 25 Rs ticket per day plan to reach office and home daily. It was going on well.

                                              So the adjustment of daily rushing journey was at one side and looking for more better options for journey was another side. That was the time when my eyes felt on the nearby bus-stop at Andheri-Station from where I got to know that A.C. Buses were also plying along the route –Andheri-Mulund. So with good salary in hand and with my own money in hand, my conscience said “Try, this route –whatever costly it may be”. And my mind after battling two opposite views (devil and angel’s view ). Came to conclusion that why not once. And hence  I stood in line for AC Bus-422.

                                               This was the start of my real journey –the Title of this book. I got seat and quietly sat at seat in this China made bus called kinglong buses and waited eagerly for ticket . Since I was travelling in A.C. B.E.S.T Bus for first time. I was nervous and worrying thoughts came like.

“Should we buy tickets prepaid from Bus depot” or

“Should we wait for tickets to be issued by Bus-conductor like as usual 

we wait in normal buses”.

I behaved as if I was boarding any airline for very first time. J. Then my doubts were cleared soon when a Ticket Collector came and he issued tickets to fellow passengers. I waited for my turn., and for me it costed Rs 30. I was surprised that ticket wasn’t too high as I expected because I thought A.C. would have costed something like 100 or 150 Rupees above. After getting ticket at Rs 30 , I felt too happy and started my journey experiment thoughts for the next day. I quietly scanned the people travelling in A.C. Buses and started analyzing them or sort of started comparing them with people travelling in normal buses. I studied all the basis of parameters like behaviour, habits, politeness while speaking, tasks etc. My imagination power helped me a lot in this analysis. And I quickly concluded “great people, sophisticated crowd…………rich crowd, well mannered crowd and coloured crowd (beautiful looking crowd and blah blah…...). Comparison came economically also saying “at Rs. 30 We can get luxury ride instead of screwing our journey with undisciplined crowd traveling in normal buses who poke their noses, break queues and don’t even care for woman passengers while pushing each other inorder to catch the bus. Even a rickshaw journey from Andheri-Bhandup would have cost many hundreds. So in that way this A.C. Bus was a good bet.

                                                That also I was not willing to catch A.C. Bus initially, it was the frustration at the normal bus queue which led me to experiment A.C. Bus route trial. I was standing in normal bus line when certain confusion occurred since we had same one queue fro three routes.

1)      Andheri-Mulund

2)      Andheri-Bhandup(east)

3)      Andheri-Airoli

In that confusion some people took advantage and tried to board

Bus by breaking the queue. Some people broke the queue and hell lot of people followed those law breakers. I got so angry that I left my line when I saw neighbouring A.C. bus standing there for the same route as my home has.

                                    Initially I also had got confused by the line for bus but later on the so called disciplined people guided me politely for the A.C. Bus queue. I in return had thanked them and boarded that bus. It was as good as one big Railway bogie of Rajdhani Express, there people sitting in Royal style as if they were travelling in plane instead of A.C. Bus. On top of that the big window glasses makes the people outside the bus seeing the people inside the bus with envy.

                                    As usual, like in my childhood, my hunger for window seat increased and this time for Big windows in Kinglong buses, it increased even more. I waited eagerly to travel again next time, but I was a bit handicapped by the travelling allowance provided by my family. So I sprang back to normal buses. Again tolerated the indisciplined queue and pushing –wushing rush in normal buses. Also, always had to be cautious in normal buses from pick-pocketers under the disguise of passengers. I had shared my amazing 1^st day experience in A.C. Bus 422 with my friends , parents and office colleagues and also had vocally delivered my comparison report to them showing my eagerness to travel in that A.C. Bus. Monetary parameter was my only impediment . My parents and siblings questioned me saying “ Not even one month over, and u want luxury in journey ? :o, Job etc. So I remained silent and continued this normal bus journey atleast for 2 months.. Then suddenly , since I was not using Bus passes  I started using my pocket money from my hard-worked salary for travelling through A.C. Buses also in between. And my parents didn’t complained this time sensing my journey troubles. So this small frequent AC Bus trips tempted me to look for some other alternatives and that was A.C. Bus pass. So casually one day I conversed with a bus driver and enquired about bus pass for both normal and A.C. Bus. He promptly answered and explained the facilities in detail. After hearing and comparing and after thorough analyzing only I came to conclusion that indeed A.C. Bus pass was worth the ride. It was just return journey then –Andheri to Mulund, I was not able to get Mulund –Andheri buses much then. Still I was able to convince my parents and get a monthly pass of A.C. Bus for Rs 1000/month when my salary  was Rs 15,000/month. So it started , the AC Journey. Now here it was no less a troublesome journey. As said people were civilized with good manners but ( ofcourse with some attitude of rudeness ). I started facing this attitude while Mulund to Andheri Journey where I hardly get opportunity to board those crowded AC Buses forget about space to stand, place to sit or my favourite place ( window seat ). I struggled a lot while standing in bus, even a small push invited frowning faces displaying expression as if “some uncivilized guy has boarded the AC Bus for the very first time and that also as if that guy has boarded it by mistake.” I tolerated all these inviting expressions and tried my best to avoid inviting more such expressions. I handled my bag properly and tried to move carefully while moving in A.C buses. Otherwise whole lot of people were ready to stare at me as if I am villain to their lovely journey. I used to stand for at the most 75 % of journey and get seat (not only seat but window seats ) when I reach SEEPZ the place from where still 25 % of journey is pending. So I relish my lovely window seats later by sitting like a King at whatever nice window seats available by then.

                                    It was like Kabhi-Khushi Kabhi Ghum for my journey. I used to catch compulsorily any crowded buses (A.C. or Normal one ) while going to Office and I used to catch A.C Bus while returning with whole ample of time in hand. I knew it was no use of going home after 8:30 when I cant do my recreational activities such as playing football, hanging out in Malls or other interesting places ,watching films or going to Gym. So I used to miss 2-3 buses just to get seat and that also my favourite window seats. During this journey I met with regular travelers of this route and it was good and I was enjoying this journey even though it was 2 hours within Mumbai. Window seat was my love since childhood. This was to see the world. Window seat helped me to do timepass as I was not having any timepass things like walkman, Books to read or friends to share gossips and also I didn’t have the habit of sleeping while travelling. Now even if anyone would sit around window seat and glance from there, the common question which will come in ones mind is “Wont he/she get bored by watching same places daily on the same route?” My reply was “I, wanted to see changes and how  fast do changes occur and I felt that was the instrument to view development . And mainly, I was  admiring nature also like plants, animals and of course irresistible beautiphool human beings ( preferably opposite sex one –Girls (Chicks) ). I used to view rain, capture its Pics,  sometimes even capture Pot-holes so that I could complain to administration showing that. So fun journey was there in general in AC Bus-422. Most of the people in the buses were sleeping, reading books, listening songs or sharing jokes with their friends. And many good looking people were there and many were regulars. Some were so beautiful that they were too beautiful to come even in our dreams forget about reality J. Among them many were couples also. I felt good being with them. Morever AC Bus 422 was filled with corporate world people and I also felt pride joining them as one of the corporate brigade. But still my inferiority complex was there in mingling with these people as I was still very much new to this bus. Now since I had taken month pass, it was duty to catch AC Bus to ensure my pass privilege are being used well. But to my bad luck sometimes I had to face crowded buses till the bus reaches my bus-stop at Bhandup Police station. So , I was unable to board the AC Bus while going to the office and sometimes if boarded , I had to stand near driver seat that much crowded it became. And horribly things were becoming worse because entry and exit door in A.C. Bus was same. So it was creating problems for the passengers who wanted to go inside the bus and the passengers who wanted to get down the bus at his/her  bus stop. Now I adjusted myself with boarding normal buses also but I felt betrayed considering my A.C. bus pass. Whenever I was able to board AC Buses while going to office, I had to struggle a lot cutting hell lot of people to go deep inside the bus where atleast I could stand peacefully and spacefully. Some people just stood there without understanding the importance of creating space for others to stand. I felt angry about those so called great people. I felt like quarreling with them but then – I silenced myself saying why would I do duniyadaari if duniya only is not concerned? I ignored it and forgot those people after creating space for myself. Once while standing I met a group of girls who regularly used to have a great time during their journey. They always gossiped and cracked jokes (sometimes horribly  non-veg ones- I was victim of their jokes ) (L When I stood near them . One of the girls was a young one whom I thought she was Punjabi with her appearance and with a little aggressive looks. She led the jokes brigade. Once they cracked jokes as usual and they were crossing their non-veg limits’ considering I (a guy) was standing nearby silently. Their intention was to make me laugh as I looked too serious. (I came to know then that Group of Gals liked to tease guys J) . I also gauged their intentions quickly and started my acting. I pretended to be not ignoring their jokes eventhough I was listening, understanding and enjoying it internally. I was showing externally as if I am a stubborn person. Tired of my expression, people thought I am too serious person to enjoy jokes. Well they didn’t knew my name itself was a Joke (Vinod means Joke J) . .They stopped their jokes and remained silent now. After all girls of this group got down, I had the last laugh. This was one all-girls group whom I met daily & even meet them today. I must say the so called Punjabi young girl actually turned out to be a gujarati and their group got scattered now due to different jobs and different timings of different group members. That lead girl is sad now, never seen happy again like she was in those days. She manages to share some fun with another new friend of her who looked somewhat like Pooja Batra…( Big height and Slim ) . One of the girls in that group was too generous that she offered to hold my bag when she saw me troubleshooting my way in crowded bus. I thanked her and always thought to repay her by offering help when she needed. But never ever came a chance that she would need help and I could help her.

Hum safar’s Entry

It was as usual crowded day and I struggled myself past many people and reached a scanty open space in middle of the bus at around SEEPZ Bus stop. There I was standing adjusting myself holding the bars with one hand and holding my heavy bag with another hand so that I could avoid myself from falling out on any girl/woman nearby. Suddenly, my eyes felt to a girl who was sleeping at a window seat in the right hand side middle seat of the bus. I was watching her sleeping in a very cute way –when she suddenly woke up, and made herself move so that she could get down at her bus-stop. Seeing her , I adjusted myself and created ample of space for her to move swiftly without me touching her or she touching me. But to my shock and to my good luck or bad luck I don’t know, she brushed me -when I was standing in the bus like a prisoner. In order to create ample of space for her, I had  compressed myself physically and was holding the bar for support and was trying my best to pull my body away from the girl, but In contrast that girl lost her balance & her fall on me gave me a great shock . And some say indirectly LOVE for her started from here..because they say Love starts from the touch and for me touch indeed started from here .Although the feelings of Love developed later from my side. But I am still clueless about feelings of love from her side. It was just minor touch but it gave way to huge and bigger feelings for me and her. She went away as if nothing happened but my expression said it all what had happened to me. Even neighbouring people would have seen my expression but they also would have failed to understand why I gave that shocking expression with my mouth wide in shock. While leaving she asked one guy whether he is getting down-that guy in reply said “No”. For that she made a rude expression and asked him aggressively to give her way. I thought either she was frustrated that she had by mistake brushed me and so she may be avoiding any other further brushing on guy. I left wondered for the whole day and thought “what all type of girls exists in this planet “. Now this was the girl I never had shown keen interest to see considering her not social enough, rude attitude type face ( I hardly saw smile on her face )  and always reading big big books ( which I considered boring then (J) although I have seen her almost daily. Above all, she was a book reader and I was a book hater. I used to murmur myself saying why the hell people showoff by reading books. Can’t they see the wonderful world around? .So I ignored that incident as accident and moved on with Life and my journey.

                         

Also this girl was never in my hitlist in anyways. So I ignored her. In meanwhile I started my concentration on looking after other girls (chicks) in the bus from whom I thought there can be a possibility of meeting my 1^st Love. Yes still I was searching for 1^st Love eventhough I had reached the age of 28 years (marriageable age) because I never ever experienced Love in m Life when Love is said to be a 2 way approval of Emotions. I was still looking for it but was not desperate about it.

                            

                     

 I saw some beautiful bhabhi chicks (recently married ones), and some too young college girls and rest of them were mostly were engaged as couples with the partner also coming with them in the buses. Atleast I had seen regular 6-7 couples in my journey. So I searched for girls where I could meet my Love in my 2 hour long journey. This search was like mandatory for me when I was working in a womanless officeL. I had liked some of the single girls in the bus and was trying to meet them daily so that possibility of Love can happen if it happens by fluke/Accident. One such girl was a girl who looked like my former malayali crush in Junior College. I stared at her thinking her to my past crush and close friend. But she turned out to be a different girl .Later on I came to know that she also shared the same mother tongue as me-Tamil. My staring got reply in counter-staring. Now what was this- I still didn’t know because this staring was neither angry nor rejecting one. I was passing my flying kiss to my beloved God-Hanuman, when she noticed me and in reply she gave flying kiss to a neighbouring church. Immediately I thought “Oh, she may be Christian and that can create problem between us by respective parents/family of me and her even though both of us share same Language”. Still I was determined that Religion was not a big issue if this turns out to be a true love. So I kept my fingers crossed expecting Love. Suddenly, she disappeared for a long interval and she was not at all visible in bus. But my attachment wasn’t so close to her that I would miss her. I missed her for 2-3 days but then I moved on and kept on my hope alive from other prospects of Love (Chicks) in bus.

                                    So I continued my love search when slowly and steadily when I came to see the love moments of some couples sitting near me in bus. That Moments were slowly making me jealous and it was pushing me to regret for not being in Love yet L. I started becoming more and more jealous when I saw more younger couples enjoying themselves in Love. I felt like “For what was I alive and what big thing did I do till now ?”. These thoughts kept on repeating daily when I see new couples getting cozying intimately. Side by Side I was hurrying to fix my search of Love so that I could also not repent later for the remaining part of life I have. So I started looking for single girls during my daily journey. But that was not easier task either. So had lot of face reading, body language, attire reading etc to study girls J. In the end, conclusion was “No one can read girls/women properly-Absolutely true.”

                                                Once while I was going to office in that A.C. Bus, which was as usual crowded already and on top of that many people boarding from my bus-stop. –Bhandup Police station made the Bus-Jam-packed. As usual Bus-conductor scolded us saying either “manage to get inside the bus but don’t make crowdy scenes near driver otherwise he won’t be able to watch the mirror because of which accidents can happen in this Jam-packed Bus. So, I obeyed the conductor and promptly made way to clear that space to make the driver comfortable. At that time one fellow passenger seeing us (strugglers who managed to board this already crowded bus) pointed to us and rudely said to the conductor. “Why all you people take extra people in bus when it is already filled? Why are you all encouraging accidents indirectly by breaking rules –even though there are specific numbers of standees allowed in such AC. Buses .? It is illegal. And he went on & on & on…”. To this the conductor replied “What can a poor person like me do when no one is listening to me. When I say no more people, these people don’t listen to me and still insist to board the bus –in spite of my humble request to them saying that –the bus has already over-filled.” He goes on adding “While if we say no to people, the TC( Ticket Collector) orders us to take people saying how would people ‘s bus pass get demand ?”.

 Indirectly he meant that he was helpless. That passenger ( young guy) then said “ I will complain to the authorities blah-blah , this is illegal, immoral etc. And even today this bus is crowded like it was before and still no one listens to anyone. That’s why some people say “ This is India, Yahan toh aisa hi hota hai”. The chalta hai attitude. That boy had good point, bus conductor had valid point even Ticket Collector was helpless with regards to obeying the bus-pass of passengers. Then who was wrong ? Even I felt I was not wrong considering I had bus pass and I was supposed to get in a bus at a particular suitable timing and in the bus for which the pass was valid. Later on, I introspected and found that the boy’s point was good but way of pointing that point was very bad and rude. So inorder to make myself right and also to teach that rude person a lesson. I started boarding the A.C. Bus from the starting terminal because the Bus-Pass was valid for innumerable buses. So I started using those additional benefits. I thought the bus started from Mulund station, so one day went there and boarded the bus., but to my disappointment Mulund Station was not the starting point. The bus was already filled. Again, I failed to get place to sit but this time I had ample of space to stand. I shrugged off and stood throughout the journey and politely asked the conductor “From where this bus starts? He replied from Mulund Check-Naka. Immediately the very next day I was much before there at Mulund Check Naka bus stop where I found all the regular passengers, standing in queue. I was equally shocked to see them as much as they were shocked to see me there. Many people had seen me struggling while boarding this bus, so they were surprised that I came long way from Bhandup Police Station to Mulund Check Naka bus stop-just to get a seat. For me it was end of struggle of satisfying my Ego [ to board this bus ] because I also had pass and so I wanted to teach that rude guy a lesson- saying that now atleast No Tom, Dick or Harry can stop me from boarding this bus citing any other reasons. My Body Language sort of changed after I started catching this AC Bus from start-Mulund Check Naka bus-stop. And ya, this was the reason, I could keep an eye on my search for prospective Love in bus. I used to admire nature, people, places, rain etc. through the wide glass windows of this Kinglong  AC Buses.( Made in China ). Eventhough it was made from China, it looked very attractive, it was well suited for rough roads in Mumbai and ya, it was very fast. Some drawbacks were like bus getting problems oftenly ( sometimes gas, sometime AC and sometimes the technical aspects )  .Sometimes these  Chinese buses  were not very user friendly to our new bus drivers, even some buses got burned accidently that much risky it was. Myself had escape in this bus when one normal bus collided with our AC. Bus and I was sitting on the last seat –the place where the collision took place, Luckily I was awake at that time otherwise- fatal injury could have occurred to me. But Overall these buses were cool. What sort of pride feeling I used to have while sitting in this bus. I felt like sitting in Plane because its whole coach was so big that it made me compare it with plane. On top of that the people here used to sit very royally as if they were in plane. It ran very smoothly on Highways and it almost overtook all the small vehicles around. While I used to sit on the back –last seat of bus I felt like sitting on balcony seat in theatre because this bus also had TV in it. I used to enjoy watching cartoon shows, health tips, jokes, thought for the day, recruitment Ads, tourism ads, General Knowledge, News, Debates etc. Last seat gave me an advantage of watching the outer world from those big glass windows and last seat helped to watch the inner world (people sitting in bus). I always looked at some couples romancing around my seat and quickly scanned the whole bus to search out for my potential love. Ofcourse I had made a hitlist of some prospective single gals from this bus from regular travelling girls.  One day, I met my old neighbourhood friend in line while returning home. I gave her seat and conversed with her. She was actually my friend’s sister. She was very  young earlier when we left that place and got settled in Bhandup. Now the age difference between me and her was hardly visible. I sort off started developing crush on her. After a very long time, I was lucky enough to sit alongside that girl.  She was not comfortable to sit on last seat which I liked, still she came to give company to me (just because I helped her to get a seat). After sitting near me, we conversed for a while but later she pulled her bag and removed a book from it. Then she asked me “If you don’t mind, I am reading books”. I also said “No problem Yaar, take your own sweet time”. And she went on reading that big fatty book, whereas I went to my as usual sleeping mode before smiling (indicating –this girl is also not interested in me). I just relaxed my head along the window seat and in between used to wake up to look where we have reached. Now while traveling , that girl’s mobile phone rang and a guy spoke to her. He was asking her to get down at Powai Lake Stop. Now what was Powai Lake ? .

                                         

Powai Lake was the Lovers Paradise. I used to watch this Paradise almost daily even during my normal journey buses in past and I used to regret myself in envy for not being in love yet. It was just the embrace, kiss, or fondling/caressing or other intimate scenes of Love which attracted me. It was the closeness feeling and the thought of someone being there for us feeling which caused envying for love. So this girl had to get down at this same stop (Powai Lake-Lovers Paradise).  I immediately understood, this girl is no more single and as she had requested – I guided her to move when this bus-stop was coming. I thought, if not me- lucky enough-let these lucky ones atleast enjoy the loving world @Powai Lake. This happiness of helping love always came along with more envying feelings (why not- me still in love? L and how long will I have to wait God??)  Once even a X Std couple had a great time in such AC Bus thanks to  the chilliness in AC Bus which encouraged their warm sessions which was no less a honeymoon session.    

                                                            

Such young couple getting lucky pushed me to greater envy but thanks to my great willpower, I didn’t get angry @lucky lovers. I kept on cursing myself for this fault and looked upon at God. God still didn’t answer me. Yet I had and still have hope in Love and God equally. But yes I was slowly getting frustrated seeing these lovely lucky young couples at one side and me a solo, directionless unlucky guy who had to see these all in envy. I felt like committing suicide, all the negative energies of damaging myself came into picture when my new job errors started cropping out due to this envying love frustrations  which kept on popping during working hours spoiling my concentration on work. I felt betrayed by God and this world and I thought “It was no purpose of me to live anymore in this world when nothing was working in my favor (neither job nor love). My job’s error news spread to my family who were pressuring on one side saying “What the hell you are doing with the very rarest of rarest opportunities which you had during recession times. Will you get another job easily now during recession?” On another side, they were advising me to search for other jobs for backup- so that I could get myself prepared if in case –I get terminated from this job as I was still in probation period then.

                                                   The Timing of this Job complaint came when I was already pained by Love deficit (I was still searching for Love at the age of 28 years) J.

It was such a painfull moment that, I felt not to share this pain with any of the close friends- otherwise my mood can spoil theirs. So I only shared the Job turbulence news with them and hided the (lack of love) pain which I was bearing daily. For one moment, I felt like dying in the same Powai Lake which stood for symbol of Love signifying that a Love failure died at symbol of Love (Powai Lake ) –waiting so long for Love… It was my gesture to the Love world and god saying “Why not me” and “If not me, Can the loving world love me atleast after I die near this paradise of Love –Powai Lake?” Basically, I wanted to send a message that I wanted to be in Love and if I cant be in love while alive, can I be in Love while dying atleast .

                 

It was this suicidal moments, with tears in my eyes and almost breath stopping (showing interest to stop breathing obeying my feelings and emotions of wishing to die). It was then I guess God listened to my tears and he sent me my Angel (My Love) –The Love of this love story. She is none other than the same girl who had accidently brushed me in that crowded AC Bus.

                                                 It so happened that – I saw the same girl in Red colour Shirt who had brushed me in bus – standing at extreme front while me watching her with my teary eyes filled with despair from the last seat where I was sitting. I quickly saw her for a moment felt in love almost ( because I was constantly staring her for few seconds and same staring was from hers side) and then I backed off saying  “So what, even she wont become my love, what’s the use of this love staring then ?”. I went back looking at Powai Lake (where I had planned my suicide) and accused that girl for disturbing my serious suicide plan :x

                                                My bus passed Powai Lake and this way I was saved then and hence first of all I am able to write this book today. I again started looking at that girl and thought for while; “How did this girl appeared suddenly when, from nowhere and for what? .Was that divine Intervention. Was that because I was planning to commit suicide and God wanted to stop that?”  I didn’t get the answer for that. But I felt that could be one such possibility. The way I saw her (very surprisingly) at a very critical juncture of my Life ( When I was almost about to commit suicide). I almost felt God only came in the form of her and in the background the song rang in my ear saying “Tujh mein Rab Dikhta hai”. I then was cursing myself that I missed my suicide ( as if it was my most important assignment of Life ) (J and on other side was looking for more insights from that Divine avatar for me-That girl. Here began my true  interest of Love for my Love...At one point of time , I slept for a while because it was heavy traffic and  I had no other option  to do ( nothing for timepass, no  friends to talk , no headphone, no books ) and top of that such sad mood. I felt bus’s window alone as my friend who can understand my feelings and I slept by placing my head on side of the window glass. In between I woke up many times to keep a tab on bus-stops so that I shouldn’t miss my home bus stop in this lazy sleep. While I woke up, I noticed that the divine girl disappeared and I thought she must have got seat or she might be stuck in that heavy crowd. Then I thought for a while about her saying “how royally this girl used to read books and sleep sometimes in bus, at that time when I was standing uncomfortably, struggling the crowd. And now the same scene was visible for her. This made me believe the dialogue “Nothing is permanent in this world”. Everyone has their own good & bad time with changing times.

                                                       

After a while, that girl re-surfaced and this time she was standing near me. This surprised me more and this surprise pushed me to believe in the divine powers Of God. I was so shocked seeing her so near to me suddenly. I looked up to God and was asking “What’s this now”? That girl also stared me in return, because I was staring again & again at her very much with awe shock. I still didn’t knew was it a divine move or was that girl carried away with my staring such that she came so far ahead in front of bus to so behind just to see me.                        

                                    The moment I saw her, my royal style of sitting changed. I sat properly and was searching many ways to help her get seat. I felt like giving my own seat, but the bus was so crowded that such move would have caused almost a fight/quarrel in bus and the quarrelers would have asked me “For what are you giving her seat.. Do you know her? Is she your wife/GF or Sister or Friend atleast? And I was not having any strong answer for these difficult  questions. Even if I was having answer for it, I was not confident enough to say that at that time. I was helpless. I tried many other ways to get her seat, but that was also futile. I was becoming restless seeing her stand because I have always seen her in happy & relaxing mode. I was becoming uncomfortable to see this girl looking uncomfortable in this crowd. My staring and her counter-staring continued but it was proving to be useless now. So I diverted my attention back to my helpless situation as I was in when I didn’t see her. After a While when I gathered courage and was about to offer her a seat, it was too late. She got a seat at the same time from other guy who got up from his seat. I again cursed my luck, saw her and got down helplessly but alive at my home bus stop.

.                 I shared this divine incident with my friends. Obviously many won’t believe it but I sometimes believed it saying that’s why “Love is called Divine or Magical”.         

                                                      

Some days passed, again I saw that girl in Queue while going to office. I smiled myself seeing her and imagining how time changes (considering two moments –she standing yesterday without seats and today she is relaxing in window seat, reading book + having good sleep).Another specialty of this girl was that, whenever I had seen her before, I was never able to see her properly because I hardly had seen her eye to eye before ( For that matter hardly any guys would have been able to seen her eye to eye ). I found her most of the time either busy reading book or sleeping .I saw her only once eye to eye, and that was on my D day of suicide and that day only developed my love for her in true sense. The past brushing was the foundation to this eye to eye contact (which some say is Love). Yup, sex (Lust) and Caring (Affection) also are collectively called as Love. But this (eye 2 eye contact) was start of my Love. I never noticed her properly before when I was staring. It was just sudden moment with uncontrollable feeling coming automatically for a stranger ,whom I had seen before also and that feelings makes us feel as if that stranger would become our own. She was also little bit shorter in height. Still I kept hope on her just because of (the so called divine lady who saved me) - à thought often came to my mind. I was like forgetting that she was a girl, I perceived her as an avatar of God. I used to watch her all the time in my bus journey and was ensuring she doesn’t face any problems. I admired her style and her attitude, her silent nature in bus and her anger sometimes and also her humour. Above all the main thing which pushed me to fall in love for this God was “her attitude filled style” nothing else. I have seen many  beautiful girls than her, but no one scored excellent in style as she did. I felt like if I get her as my GF/WIFE/Spouse, she can change my dull personality also that much confident and modern girl she looked. But these all thoughts came only when I saw her style image one day on Friday. She was was so modern and attitude filled girl which I never imagined in my whole life. That image changed my whole outlook towards life. She was looking very much Girley that day. I blamed and cursed myself for again under-estimating a personality. My inferior complexity grew from here towards her. My style dropped and cowardice & dead attitude rose because of her and believe me such dull attitude is still in me now. At the time of writing this book, I have grown ugly beard, started smoking etc. I started fearing from this God (this girl). Voice gets slowed down when she is around and heart beating started increasing of course with undisturbed staring towards her. But sometimes I became too weak and fearful that I couldn’t even stare at her for long time.  I shared this story with friends who suggested me to start sitting with her, make friendship etc. So I started seeing her officially now. Got to know later that she usually sits at normal seats behind seats reserved for ladies and a guy regularly sits near her. My heart broke for a moment before starting my Official Love journey but then friends suggested check whether that guy was her boyfriend or not. After days of analyzing I came to know that guy was just another guy like me who was behind her or he just sat near her because she and he had common bus-stop. Still that guy who was bald but smarter, and almost fine in physique was becoming Villian/Contender to me in this Love story.    
   

                                      

                                            

One day, as friends suggested, I braved myself and prepared myself to sit near her. With trembling voice I asked “Mam, Can I sit here-Is anybody sitting here?” She promptly said No and removed her bag. So I sat there near her for 1^st time in my Life and I was so happy at that time as if I passed some big University exam. Later throughout the journey, she was reading book and sleeping, while I was busy watching her with my cornea. I was also looking at other people boarding this bus-specially the regular ones because I was tensed like what will the regular people think about me? Are they watching at me and her suspiciously etc.? People might have seen me always sitting in last corner seat in bus, they would have been shocked to see me sitting near a girl ---that way, and my fear was increasing. But at that time, actually I was more concentrating on her rather than fearing about the world- who is watching and who is thinking about us because (Pyaar kiya toh darna kya) J. Even though this fear was not so withstanding, I was still sitting very uncomfortably for the 1^st time in this A.C. Bus. I regained my original confidence position only when she got down at her stop.  Now the situation was like a Popeye show, where me and that bald guy were fighting internally to sit near her. That guy used to regularly sit near her or not I never noticed that earlier. But as and when I started noticing him I realized that he is also a stranger to her just like me. My friends suggested -“If she looks single, go for it.” So I also continued the fight and started looking for opportunity to sit near her. Slowly she realized this and she purposely started sitting on the ladies seat to avoid both of us. I forgot the world that was watching and became too blind following her. I realized it later,”that’s why people say –Love is Blind”. I used to sit like a statue when I was sitting near her. Friends used to suggest me to make friendship with her, speak with her etc. But my fear was too strong to make me courageous enough to even say “Hi” to her. On top of that she was busy reading books or sleeping. Whatever she was doing, she was like angel to watch. I admired her every possible time  during our journey. My smile for the whole day owed a lot to her. (J.  My day went good only when I used to see her  ( see her happily smiling ) and when I see our Tricolour fluttering proudly at L & T Building after we cross Powai Lake.  The day I see our Tricolour not swaying well on that building, I had to see bad luck coming the day in office or love. L .So again here Nation + Love made my day well or hell. Coming back to Love, Sometimes she caught me staring towards her. At one point of time, that villain boy sat close to her and she didn’t objected so I felt she was seeing her.( My way of objection meant she was not searching for me that’s why she was comfortable sitting with that guy ).

               

Hence I started distancing a bit. Then again I tried once again after my friend’s insistence to sit near her. It was the same response for me, like she had for that villain boy. So I realized she hardly cared about me or that Villian boy. She was just busy in her own world. Once she had her friends in the same bus and that bus had nice songs playing in radio. I was enjoying it and why not when I was a RJ (Radio Jockey) who played songs on a social networking site (Internet Radio). To my shock she hated songs being played on radio in bus because it spoiled her sleep. This was what she telling her friends when I overheard it. So I said in my own mind “This girl liked books and hated songs while me hated books and liked songs. What a bingo combination.

                       

                                                      

I had shared this story with many friends except to my close friends (school & college and Bus route friends). At that time I hardly got any friend in bus. These friends to whom I shared this unusual story pressurized me to say something, make friendship and all etc. But I used to be much tensed when I used to see her “she was not what she looked like”. She was looking so simple in ordinary clothes that I thought hardly she would know English. Of course, I had some doubt that she would be knowing basic English atleast when she was reading books but that was also trans-estimated as she was preparing for some college/Job exam etc. I was fine confident that she would be knowing English but never expected she would be speaking fluent English. When, she conversed with her friends, I was wondering with great shock hearing her great vocabulary filled English. At the same time, I regretted for not using my time in my School-St Xaviers for polishing my EnglishL. More inferiority complex I added to myself towards her. Still the pressure/challenge/Dare from friends was pushing towards me to speak to her. So after many refusals to my friends, finally I had planned to say something to start my friendship with her (Door Of Love). Before that plan, In past – I always tried to capture her image through my Mobile Camera so that I could show my friend “How beautiful is my Love.” But to my disappointment I failed many times. Firstly, as she normally walks too fast to be captured by my Mobile camera and secondly I was scarred to be caught for clicking her image. Her style of fast walking was another turn on point for me.  After falling in love for her, came my research work. Since I was working as a B.D.M (Business development Manager) - Research, analysis and marketing – I did a small research on her company. I quickly scanned Google map and searched the list of companies near the place where she got down. I analyzed and looked out for various possibilities where she could work and I got many small companies  like Electronic ones, Diamond ones, Jewellery etc. besides biggies TCS. So I thought she would be working in some Jewellery, Electronic or in some technical field where she could be there as admin or receptionist. And one fine day after making my mind, I got ready to get down at her bus-stop and speak to her. This all after lot of teasing and dare /challenges pushed by my friends. I finally got down much earlier than her and waited for a moment, stood for a moment and gave a strange expression as if I landed in some new country and was confused seeing the place and people there. (That sort of actor I was J). Afterwards when she got down at the same bus-stop and was moving quickly – I followed her and with great courage I asked her “Excuse me Mam, Where is TCS”? Immediately she held back for a moment and smiled a bit. I couldn’t understand then why she instead of replying me by saying- she was gesturing me with her hand –pointing this way”. I knew she was not goongi .. So I followed her along that way where she pointed. And yes, it was romantic scene because it was rainy season. I followed her, and after a few walk, she put her ID Card and was moving towards a building. I intercepted her and asked “Madam, where is TCS?” She immediately said - This is also TCS, that is also TCS ( pointing towards the building where she was going ) and ( pointing towards the building which was standing exactly opposite to her building ). I stood with shock thinking “How did this girl got into TCS?” I realized that indeed-she was a TCS Girl after carefully watching her ID Card having TCS Name and after watching her moving towards the so called TCS Building.  And after a long pause I answered to her saying “I don’t know, I will have to ask my friend which building of TCS. Meanwhile thanks for the address Mam”. After she left-I put my hand on my head expressing shock when I got to know she was in TCS and now I came to know why did she smiled and didn’t reply by saying when I enquired about TCS . 100 % She might have thought “I got to know where she was working and hence I was following”. But only God and I knew the fact that –it was just another fluke /coincidence. I didn’t had enough friends or contacts to retrieve info to know that girl’s company in such a short time and neither I was stalking ( fanatically following ) her. It was just another coincidence much similar like I had met her in bus –near Powai lake (the divine angel moment which saved my Life). I just highlighted the famous landmark (TCS) in her area and enquired about it without knowing she herself works in that same famous landmark (TCS). I again smiled at this fluke for a moment and looked up to God saying what divine meet was this now? J. I was already a great fan of patriotic Tata and with this girl working in biggest Indian IT brand –Tata. Her value and respect for her increased infinite folds the moment I came to know she is working for Patriotic Indian company - the Tata group. ..I felt extreme proud at one side and on another side -the same moment, I thought better forget her, she is too Hi-5 for me. Such type of girl can never love me .Almost tears came along with my cheek and more inferiority complexity started developing with each move on mine with respect to her. I literally stopped sitting near her for -2-3 days after this meet. I thought that villain deserves her more than me (because of my frequent under-estimating of this girl). I left back to sit at my favourite last corner seat in bus ( the same seat from where I wrote this whole book and the same seat where I still sit in A.C. Bus).  That girl was missing or not don’t know but I was missing her for the 2-3 days following that latest coincidence. My friends bashed me later saying “never under-estimate yourself and asked me to shrug off the inferiority complex”. They said Speaking fluent English is not everything and they pointed out my Qualification and said “where are you inferior when you are a Chemical Engineer + MBA (HR)”. And this point was indeed working. It brought some hope in me and gave me strength to regain her back. I started sitting near her again. She also noticed this. And the next day, she informed her close friend about me and my encounter with her. So the next day when I was sitting near her, suddenly a girl came and exchanged some hidden communications –I was shocked and surprised- almost tongue came out of shock and in shock I put my hand over my head to express this shock when I saw her friend unexpectedly. I sat like statue like as usual- when I used to sit near her, while these both girls exchanged happy moments, jokes and office gossips. I sat for a long time and then decided lets give her friend seat, so that I could impress my girl. I didn’t want to lose seat where I was sitting close to my angel, but I had to sacrifice this seat only to win her heart, so it was worth a sacrifice. Her friend sat for a while. Luckily I got my residential friend in my bus, I was speaking with him. Later on my Angel’s friend returned back that seat saying she wanted to get down. I also obliged and went back to sit near my angel greedily and happily. So again their gossiping continued. Suddenly this girl said to her friend “Lets go to “Subway” fast food”. To which her friend asked “For what and why suddenly”. To this my Girl said “Just Like that, bas aise hi” with a nice smile & wink. I couldn’t understand at that time whether that “Subway plan was signal meant to me or for her friend”. But even if it was a signal, I wouldn’t have attended that place because it was too far away from my place and I was too busy at office that day with work that I was not having enough time to have my own lunch properly. I regretted a lot for this later – (missing this date signal), regretting the same even today. And as my friends say to me “Yes, I am a big Tubelight-One who blinks very lateL” I missed my date but I continued my hope and again started sitting near her. One fine day I gathered again courage and tried to speak with her. I again got early and was getting ready to get down at her bus-stop. Even she was wondering with shock –why I was getting ready to get down so early. Before getting down at the stop also she inquired me whether I was getting down as she had never seen me getting down so early usually so she thought I will not get down at Tunga stop. She asked me “Tunga”? I said “Yes”. Still she was hurrying so I made way for her and decided to get down after her. [ I always seen her in hurry mode – once a couple was standing in bus to get down at the same stop where she gets down, my angel enquired this couple whether they will get down at Tunga, for that the couple replied –yes . Still she overtook them and hurried to get down]. [Even today she hurries to board the bus or to get down from the bus].  She got down and was moving faster as usual to her TCS Office. I followed her and then intercepted her again enquiring her about jobs in her company. I asked her “Excuse Mam, what all vacancies are there in your company? I am a chemical engineer, is there any vacancy for Chemical or Mechanical technocrats? To which she was shocked to see me following her and she was at the same time afraid because my following in Love was appearing somewhat like stalking (her uncomfortable expression on face was saying that). So I also didn’t want to disturb her too much. Her reply without any eye 2 eye contact was expressing the same fear or disturbance. She replied “She was in H.R., and she have recruitments but for fields like Computer, IT and Electronics”. Her being in H.R. was another discovery for me from her profile. I was wondering why I didn’t use my MBA (H.R.) to get into TCS now. I didn’t expect this uncomfortableness in her but later realized that my style of approaching her may be wrong which might have made her uncomfortable in front of Public View. My mistake was that I had never approached/followed any Girl in my whole life on my own- single handedly –So didn’t knew how to approach a girl whom one Loves. In those days of school and colleges, I used to follow my crush by taking help of friends, Friends used to be a huge moral support those days. So after realizing her uncomfortableness, I felt I should not trouble her anymore. I wanted to follow her to know more about her, to understand her, make friendship and Love with her not to stalk or irritate her. So I stopped sitting near her and I stopped getting at her stop. But this gap was making me uncomfortable. This increased my Love for her more. I was missing her and all those divine moments with her in flashback were pushing me more closer to her. I never desired in my Life to marry a girl, have children etc because I never had experienced Love – neither had I known “What is Love”. And apart from this my past failures in this field –Love (One sided Love in school & Colleges – Also me still being a Virgin) also invited lots of teasing and huge pampering from friends- . Such a great intensity of pamperment I had to face that I felt myself as a biggest Joke ( much like my Name Vinod-[which means Joke in Hindi] and often wondered “What will I do, marrying a girl and reproducing another Joke ( my Xerox Copy )?”. So I was very hesitant to marry or having child till then. But after seeing this Girl, for 1^st time in Life-I felt like having child.

                        This much feeling I had for a girl whom I wanted to become my wife or to whom I should become a loving husband. This was making the peak moments of Love in my Life. Whenever I don’t get a chance to see her my day turns a bad day for me. My entire mood depends on her. Since she was working in an IT Company. She had an off on Saturdays. I used to miss her on Saturday like hell. Sunday was understandable but On Saturday, I was working but she had holiday so whenever I catch a bus, my eyes looked/searched for her. ( Jidhar bhi yeh dekhe, Jahaan b yeh jaaye, Tujhe dhundhti hai yeh paagal nigahein…) lines from song. “Tu jo nahi hain toh kuch bhi nahi hai“ from movie “WohLamhe “ suits much better. Whenever I got opportunity to sit along with her also, good timing songs used to play in our Bus thanks to radio.

1)      Tere Liye… from Prince

2)      Mere Jeevan saathi…. from Ek duje ke Liye

3)      More Piya….Rajneeti

4)      Madhon…..Lamhaa

These Last two songs – 3^rd and 4^th one was specially played on timing when she was ignoring me. So songs were also happening very much to coincidence to my Love story.

                              She was slowly realizing that I was following her. So I wanted to convey my Love through friendship but I was not strong enough to dare and speak to her. In this matter I should say that, she was better than me. Atleast she used to talk with me some little things like “which bus is this?” “Is this 8:15 bus?” “Is this SEEPZ”? etc. And whenever she asked me, I sort of get over-excited that first of all I get shocked /surprised that my angel spoke to me. Ofcourse I started conversation with her first, that pride still lies with me but later on I got so demoralized by my inferiority complexity that I hardly used to start conversation with her. Also I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by me speaking only. So when I was waiting for her turn, she was good- she was speaking with me. When she used to speak to me (I used to pinch myself sometimes to assure its reality and not a dream)J. She hardly spoke with any stranger in Bus. So I was considering myself lucky, being the only one stranger with whom she speaks a bit in bus.  Even though they are small and useless words but still valuable when they come from your Loved ones. And after this shock and a little pause I would give her reply correctly but with some stammering (inspired by SRK). Friendship’s day was nearing, so I got idea of friendship day. I quickly as planned by me along with some inputs / ideas from my friends bought a yellow Rose and thought of giving it to her – wishing her a happy friendship’s day.

                                            

Now a frightened guy like me who had never proposed any girl, failed twice in past to give roses to girls would obviously fear now also. Same thing happened; I couldn’t collect enough courage to give her rose on friendship’s day. I waited at the bus-stop, was afraid to give rose in front of all. Also I wondered what if she insults me in front of all? Even past experience of rejection of Rose was discouraging me. So I waited whole long time in Bus, had two yellow roses ( extra for backup-ofcourse for her only  ). Finally when she got down at her bus stop, I followed her and walked for a while before surprising her from behind. I interrupted her saying “Excuse me, Mam”. She quickly saw me, stopped for a while. I removed my yellow rose and said “Mam, Happy Friendship’s day” This made her furious enough that she shrugged and shook her head with disgust and refused my yellow rose of friendship bluntly as if I did the most shameful act to a lover. I was again rejected and dejected for reasons only God knows.  Still now, I am searching for this mysterious reason. I smiled and took that Yellow Rose back looked at it saying “Even you are not as lucky as me, Sorry Yaar………..mere wajah se tujhe bhi Naa “ sunna pada”. L.

                

I again looked back if she is still standing there or left. But she had left. So I slowly moved with my baby steps and left for Office. I didn’t felt the pain at that time so much as I am facing today. I shared this rose giving incident with my office friends in a humorous way, even they responded in a humorous way. I took that humour lightly but that is when internally my pain started actually. I thought how again I ended myself no less than a joke as usual.

                                          I thought the same day that I would never ever see her. I would change my bus route etc . Ocourse some of these suggestions came from my Office friends with whom I had shared this Rose rejection incident. The whole night I couldn’t sleep. That rejection was not as painful, as her style of rejection was. Never ever did any girl had rejected my Rose so rudely. Previously two rejecters rejected my rose but that was on Valentines day and Rose day respectively and both were Red rose. This time, I was shocked because my Yellow rose (meant for friendship was rejected and that also on friendship’s day and she knew me and me knew her well atleast as daily traveler). I thought if friendship itself invited so much rejection, what would I expected from her if it was Red rose and if I had proposed her for Love? Her refusal of my yellow rose ensured No to my friendship but her shrewd expression on face while refusing showed as if “I was too irritative”? So I thought why to trouble her anymore then. I started my distancing act afterwards.

                         

I skipped buses in which she started travelling . I was like trying myself being as far as possible so that I won’t be irritable to her. This distance was sort of perceived by that girl as ignoring her. She also sticked to her ego and started skipping buses in which I travel. In this strain relations, my pain was increasing too much. Even her friend came to know about the Yellow rose incident and ignoring act.  She was also pretending as if nothing happened between us, nor she knows me anymore. I felt more painful from that refusal that I felt instead if had she slapped me, I wouldn’t have had such larger pain. And the timing of this incident was too bad. This incident was spoiling my concentrating on work and it was the time when I had applied for passport. I had tried “n “ number of times but couldn’t get my passport due to some or other reasons like Ration card, Birth Certificates. And I was not able to come and attend Passport Office in worli, often taking holidays from Office. Already I had just completed 6 months in Office and a small error was questioning my whole credibility in working. My boss was talking about my termination. Such were the bad times coming together.  I thought atleast one fine day I will get my passport application done, but to my surprise, the Police Officials messed up with my birthday details. My Bribe of Rs. 144 got wasted. I was shattered when that lady said my form was again incomplete and I need to submit my birth certificate now. The number of times coming to this office added salt to my wounds. So I got a new wound (patriotic) one, added to my already present wound (Love). Now these two wounds was too enough to push me again to suicide. I mean like, I always maintained myself that I was born for Love and Nation. And if both are not for me, then for what and for whom should I live? Yes, my passport (Identity as Indian) was being robbed from me and I felt like dying that moment itself because I love India like anything.  It was not a point of doubt or question – which one would ask about my nationality, passport was my way to express my nationality –just officially nothing else. Unofficially, no one can challenge my Indianness Jbcoz I was born in India and I lived and fought for India always throughout the Life.

                                  So , all bad timings was again pushing me through suicidal phase but then at one point of time thoughts came like in Munnabhai MBBS –Sanjay Dutt explains to a guy who attempts suicide – that you will die, but what about the death you are offering to your parents and friends who would miss u? I felt the same and later on consoled myself saying – Atleast I have a brother and sister for backup. So my parents wont miss me much and same about friends. They will miss me for some time, later on they would also move on like ordinarily every Life moves on. They have to move on practically forgetting the past (me). So I again attempted suicide the time when I said this time no doors would open and that Girl’s entry was just a Maya not God or Reality. I am sill addressing that girl as girl because I don’t know even her name even after 8 months passed with our love story. It was only once that I was standing in bus as I couldn’t get seat -when I overheard her friends calling “Nisha” towards her and in reply –she handed her friend the purse which her friend had asked for. Still there were two of them, so the confusion is there whether herself is Nisha or is her friend’s name? Ofcourse Name was very important but 8 months passed , our distance has become too far inspite of we both traveling even today in same bus such that conversation has become nil and so no chance of asking her name or getting through sources. This time again preparation for ending my Life started and was just doing last minute preparations of giving farewell. I was tearful to say bye to all my relatives , friends and yes even to that girl saying “Madam, Don’t worry- No more I would trouble you because I am not only going away from your route, I am going away from this world also, Enjoy your Life now.”

                           

Some days passed in this fare welling session, I was experiencing this Fare welling session during RJing on Radio. And then I needed to say a final bye to her. So I came in front of her again, I said nothing and behaved as if nothing happened. She also did the same. For couple of days it happened and Suddenly I had my house warming ceremony at my native place –Kanniyakumari. So to took, 6 days holiday [4 days for travelling, and 2 days for the Occasion]. I heard that the house was made for me (my marriageable age considering). I never knew that a Bungalow would be for me and I wondered what I will do with it when I am lifeless now. I died that day itself when my passport form was held and again when the angel girlfriend rejected my friendship rose. Due to this house warming ceremony, my suicide got postponed by almost a week. And I thought what a better way to say farewell to my bigger family also in my native place. So I faked my happiness there and stayed for almost one week at Kanniyakumari. Later on when I returned, I was much eager to see her and so I came at bus-stop much before her, saw her coming later but I again kept myself away  from her boarding a bus before the bus which we usually used to board together. This significant away stand by me was taken probably by her as ignoring. Similar things happened for couple of days which was perceived by her as if I was ignoring her……..but fact was That I was distancing myself as I felt – I was too irritable to her. One day, we traveled in same bus- I was at the last seat as usual and was watching her because I still loved her …..and so was watching her when she got down at her bus stop.. She cried for some reasons and her friend consoled her after she got down from the bus. And almost she was on tears; her face was not at all bearable to watch. Almost I felt like crying seeing her. She looked at the last seat in Bus which meant that she was crying for me. 

                                

I still never came to know completely whether –did she cried for me or she cried because of Me? If she cried for me then that was Love because she might have missed me badly for almost 1 week (when I had gone to native place for my housing ceremony –she might have thought I have left her forever after getting upset because she rejected my friendship rose). And if she cried because of me then that means still she is getting irritated by me and I should search for all possible ways not to trouble  her anymore because I love her and love means caring not Troubling. For 2-3days continuously such crying was happening and I couldn’t understand exactly for what was she crying? I feared asking her because if she was crying for some other reasons than me then my asking will lead to labeling me as her stalker and that would irritate her more. I couldn’t bear her pain and my suicide plan altogether got cancelled here saying I won’t do any act which would cause more harm to her. I was eagerly waiting to know whether I am still irritating so that I could continue with my suicide plan and give my soul sole opportunity to rest in peace. But this confusion was more troubling and paining to both (me and her).

                                                For first time, I saw this attitude filled girl being so down. I

      felt pity on her. But I knew she will bounce back. Same thing happened. She kept   aside my distance and in return she started ignoring me now ( revenge time J) .   

                                            

                                           

She avoided buses in which I am there. I don’t know about her. But she must be not knowing how many times I waited for hours at her bus-stop and sometimes near her Office with a hope to see her. I had sometimes walked whole a way from Chakala to Bhandup by mere walking during those rainy days because buses were stuck in heavy traffic. So I thought of meeting her by accident while walking those heavy flooded waters and Moreover I was concerned about her safety. So I was hurrying up around her Office bus-stop. Waited for her, had food and when she didn’t turn up – I moved ahead with hope that I could meet her on the way. I never had smoking habit, but had to start it  -with the hope that at least she would like me if I am bad because what I was seeing around my friend circle was that most of boys who had habit of Alcohol, Cigarette smoking and Flirting/Womanizers had good and Beautiful Girlfriends. So I started smoking and waited for her near her Office when I missed her lot – I smoked more than one cigarette only when I used to wait for her J.  

                                          

                                            Once I followed to know where she is living but couldn’t find as she took a Rickshaw quickly from the stop from where we both meet daily to board buses for our respective Offices. I never in my life waited ALONE for more than 2 hours for any Girl other than her. J.

                                                Changes seen In Love

She had started admiring nature like me after the 1 week gap in which she might have missed me. I saw the girl who usually was found either reading books or sleeping was suddenly seeing with concentration and admiring nature. It was like she was copying things which I used to do. No doubt, some of her personality styles (walking) was copied by me also. Some say Lovers ape each others style very often. Only difference, I wasn’t doing Catwalk with her style.

[She looks very much similar to  sonam kapoor  in this image but she doesn’t looks   similar to sonam kapoor in general.]

Also I started reading books, (her quality came here) - I used to hate books in past. And biggest shock is that I am writing a book (this same book) ……………LoLJ.She also started taking huge Vacations so that she could not be visible to me and so that now I start missing her and believe me I was also missing her very badly .

                              

I used to stand in Queue and look towards the depot gate hoping that atleast today she will turn up. I even tried various times buses hoping she would be there. To my disappointment, I couldn’t  find her .(L One day , I found her friend but she was again behaving as if she doesn’t know me at all. I thought now whom to ask about her. Question and fear was coming frequently like, is she unwell? Has she quit the current job for some other new one? or has she gone to picnic or native place..? I am not a drinker; otherwise I could have become a perfect Devdas during these days. Was missing her so much that my concentration at job was going for a toss. Friends were suggesting me to move on in Life by saying such dialogues like “Bus, Train and Chokri ki Piche kabhi nahi Padneka , ek gayi toh dusri aayegi .” I also thought this advise as correct one but not until when I saw Movie “I hate Love stories” in which there was a dialogue saying “Bus,train & Chokri, Ek gayi toh dusri aayegi but ek hi bus hain jo apne destination par jayegi”, same way is about Love , its only one girl who can lead way to your Life. And this made me Love her more. Another filmi reference with our Love story was in like in movie called Aisha. In Aisha, Abhay Deol was irritative to Sonam Kapoor, so Abhay Deol goes away from Sonam Kapoor. It was because of this distance, Sonam kapoor realizes Love. She regrets for ignoring Abhay Deol. Same scene was what I felt like when I distanced her after she rejected my yellow rose on friendship day. Good thing about me was that I never took revenge, thought of stalking or doing any mad things or irritating things to her just because she rejected my Friendship Rose. Instead I made myself so comfortable as if nothing happened and yes sometimes I again started sitting near her when I got opportunity provided she did not get irritated again by me. I even tried to speak with her again with small words like “Which bus is this?” To which she didn’t replied me back but gave a shocking expression that –still I am trying to speak with her. But her attitude was down now. Gone were the days when she used to warn me saying “This is ladies seat when I mistakenly sat next to her without knowing that from 1^st April or something, some general seats in buses were converted into ladies seats. Almost twice or thrice it happened to me and every time she used to make me aware of it with a warning Tone. “Yeh ladies seat hain” Probably indicating that please don’t sit near me –you are too irritative to sit near me. I faced this ladies seat embarrassment almost three times and all just for me to sit near her to make friendship with her. Actually, me and that Villian  became friends after this date only, the moment she started sitting on ladies seat. We both couldn’t get any chance to sit near her- so we used to sit elsewhere. So one day some rules were changed for Bus Pass, so at that time I asked him about the new rules. Also one day when I forgot umbrella, this boy shared his umbrella. So we became good friends, I once tried to even offer him seat, but unluckily other person sat there quickly.  Even we showed our friendship before this girl for whom we both used to fight for that seat to sit near her. She was shocked to see that scene J. That Villian guy has almost disappeared now after Bus Pass rates increased. LPhysically he was like Popeye but in bus, I felt myself like Popeye. Even she was not visible for some days after Bus pass increased – and why not when she had to take Rickshaw also apart from this costly bus pass. And new increased Bus rates was totally exorbitant for her and that Villian guy because their distance route is much shorter and they do not even get place to stand properly while returning .

                                     Immediately after the Yellow Rose rejection day I tried to sit next to her - at that time she instead of using her tone, politely gestured towards the mark where “It was written ladies”. I also slowly got up from that seat later realizing how bad is my luck that is not letting me sit near her. I also thought of making friendship with her if Love is not possible by thinking of offering her seat while returning from office because I saw her many times standing in crowded buses. I tried my best, but my last seat and her standing in front seat wasn’t making things comfortable. So I thought of catching front seats only for her and I sacrificed some buses for that only for her but to my bad luck she was not able to board the same bus. So my hard work got wasted. I was shattered again and again and I blamed God for playing with me by offering such bad luck by not sending her in same bus in which I had caught place/seat for herL . Surprisingly I was the guy who had thanked God one day for all the divine things happening to me –with respect to this GirlJ).As I said before, once upon a time, I had opportunity to see a very young couple almost studying in Xth std getting cozy in our Bus and, I was able to watch them because I was just sitting behind them on last seat. Seeing them, I felt happy, pride about Love but at the same time envy and felt something is missing in my Life. I again cried and I wished I could see my angel again. I searched for her in that bus that same moment. But couldn’t find her. So again I watched at Powai lake and expressed my regret (complaining to God indirectly) of not having Love in my Life yet -. To my shock, when I was getting down with my heavy heart from that bus, I saw her sitting on 1^st seat of the bus. Again a divine thing happened – I never expected her that day because – I had just complained to God that I was missing her and promptly God made it or was it another coincidence, don’t know but I saw her busy reading book on 1^st seat of bus. She didn’t even notice me getting down at my bus-stop. I was shocked, speechless about this divine thing –didn’t know what to say now to God, just tears rolled from my eyes continuously. Again, I considered this incident as just another coincidence and moved on. During Valentines’ Day when I was at native place, I felt she would be missing me so I had sent message through my bus friend to type message on the TV Displayed on bus so that my message to her could be reached. That SMS message was “

“@TCS Girl, (bus no 422) pyaar hi na sahi yaari hi na sahi-yeh toh bata kharabhi mere yellow rose mein thaan ya phir ussey denewaalein mein thaan? Regards Vinod”.

That same friend had many girl friends in bus and he had himself one day said pointing to my angel saying “This girl is very cute and innocent, she never talks to anyone”. He was not knowing that same cute and innocent girl is the one whom I love and she talks only to me in busJ. Similarly one more friend was sitting near my angel and my angel was looking so beautiful that I couldn’t resist myself and had to SMS that friend saying – this girl is none other than my Love.  It always takes pride for a lover to say with pride to his friends that she is my Love when she looks most beautiful. Of late, I was lucky enough to offer my angel seat while returning from office –when coincidently she was in the same bus in which I was traveling. It was just telepathy (communication between mind and eyes) and hence I still believe there is still something between us. I moved on and continued with my last seat and still continuing to sit at the same seat while going to office or returning from Office. In fact, as I said earlier also- I began writing this book from that same last seat of bus only.

               I started writing this book after copying that girl’s habit of reading books. I started reading books – 1^st one was a author named –Rahul Saini who wrote “small small things in Life –which was very much similar to every Youth’s life (with love) story” and then I started reading Chetan Bhagat’s “2 States”. After reading these books only I came back to Life, understood –what Life is about, how to move on, how to face difficulties, pains and happiness on the way of Journey.  After reading these two books completely only, I started writing this Book eventhough I knew, I wont be able to match the standards of those authors.

                                          Many festivals came and went away. Many movies came and went away but I hardly enjoyed any of these because I was missing something very big now i.e. Love. I was missing someone with whom I can share my good times, watch movies, enjoy festivals, with whom I can share my problems, with whom I can go for dinner. In other words I wanted someone to be with me always if not physicaly, atleast by emotions, feelings, sentiments. I wanted someone whom I can call My Own –apart from my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, relatives etc. But fate was to miss someone for long (the reason which often encourages me to suicide). During Diwali, I was expecting to her to see in Saree but saw her & her friends both in Chudidaar. Of course both were beautiful but I couldn’t wish them-Happy Diwali as they were too busy in the bus. New year came and went, still haven’t wished her even in late February. Forget that I even waited so long making ugly face of myself by growing long beards, because I was having fever. Later when I jokingly said to my bus friends that – I will cut my beard during Valentines’ day, she was listening. Even she was listening when, I was conversing with my friend - that I can go or leave bus anytime because my profile has become more of marketing oriented now. Her face became sad; I thought she was worried about me. I don’t know –but wish she was worried about me – so that at least I could know now that she also has some or less feelings for me in her. We met almost daily still no communication occurs other than eyes. Now I have many friends in this bus. Still I am yet to make my angel as girlfriend. Nowadays she sits near to my last seat. Now I can only see her, still not having courage to sit near her even though I get ample of chances to sit near her. Owing to my marriageable age went to meet one girl in Chennai just to please my parents and to fulfill my desire to travel by plane atleast once in my Lifetime. I saw that girl but didn’t like her. One reason –was that I was still in love and – everywhere – I could see my Angel only. I could not say yes to that Chennai girl when I already love a girl in Mumbai. I had no intention to reject or to spoil her name. In fact my name got spoiled because girl’s family didn’t give clear “yes” to me. While from my side there was by default “No” for that Chennai girl because my mind & heart were totally traveling around this Bus Love. This way I had to say “No” to 2 more girls L leaving my parents in such embarrassment that they have stopped searching for any more brides for me. Even on her side, one day after she returned from 1 week vacation, I saw her happy gossiping with her –TCS Friend in bus. It was a very happy site to see her happy. I was admiring her; suddenly my eyes went to her mehendi decorated hands. For a moment I thought is she engaged now? Has she also gone out of hands like my past Love prospects. Tears came in my eyes. I thought it was over, but I was wrong still she comes daily at the same bus-stop at the same time to catch the same bus which I catch and she moreover has skipped her ladies seats or seats behind ladies seats. She nowadays comes to sit at seats in last side where usually I sit. Her mehendi was due to some cousin/relative’s marriage function.

                 Once I had a bad experience in bus –meeting with a Physco unfortunately. He was holding a bag in which he had two pics- one was his father (some retired colonel in army) and another was a famous opposition leader. So he started his discussion. He was bashing our nation, our people with all knowledge he had. After the person with whom he was discussing got bored and had got down, he turned towards new scapegoat and I was that scapegoat. He started seeking permission to discuss with me and as usual I said – yes He asked my intro, I let him have my intro. Then he continued his one sided debate actually (not discussion) because whenever I was giving some views to this discussion, he was considering mine one as wrong. Suddenly he asked some G.K. he asked me since when I am living in Mumbai and then he enquired me about my Marathi. I said I am south Indian but know somewhat marathi. So he asked me “what does “Tai “ mean in marathi”  After a long pause I gave reply as “Thai” means mother bcoz in Tamil –Thai means mother. For this he bashed me heavily in front of that people in bus.  Some people were even laughing at this incident. I was embarrassed due to his insult. Even that villain guy was laughing. That Physco then blamed today’s modern culture, careless youth for such poor GK and wrong answer. He said people nowadays become manager easily, earning heavily but they have lost true value when they give such weak answers. I was standing embarrassed but I was not prepared for this physco’s attack because I was busy thinking about her. Even that girl was present there, She was sitting nearby when she heard all the conversation that her face ‘s expression said it all that she was deeply anguished by the conversation. Now her frowning face was for that Physco or me, I didn’t know. Either she would have got angry on that physco taking on me or else she was angry with me for such poor G.K. (Fact is that I am not poor in G.K.)[J]. I thought she was feeling bad by seeing my embarrassment in front of all people in bus because many people were laughing at me at that time. I felt my angel alone was feeling bad for me and was probably having sympathy for me but since she was helpless so she made frowning face and left the bus angrily & too early.

                                                            There was a time when I said I felt like having child if so any from this girl only. Such thoughts came obviously for her because of her caring nature (even when whole world laughed at me- she stood for me no matter how big joke I was). And this is what I call Love sometimes. It was like I wanted to have a child now but only reason I was agreeing because – I want to see me from her.  I mean – I wanted to take pride in having a mine smart baby from a smart mother. I was confident her smartness qualities would undermine mine joker effect in the new born baby. Even my angel was no less a baby, when she slept along the window glass like me. I wish like becoming the window glasses for sometime –so that I wouldn’t be so painful or hard to her sleeping head. My wish to have baby from her was supported by a Tamil song “Annu Malae“ song from a movie starring Surya. Simran, Divya etc. It expressed a love for a cute baby at the end of the song. Same desire was for me for 1^st time. In whole life I admired cute babies in movies and images in real life I didn’t felt too attracted towards babies as others had. My brother, sister and many other female friends liked cute babies like anything. They always sticked around cute babies giving them chocolates, joking around, speaking with them. But for some reasons my cuteness in life was lost somewhere back even though I was also a cute baby at one point of time.

                                    Now such dreams can turn into reality or not don’t know- God only knows. Life is a journey, travel it. So same way I felt this journey as part of my Life and I traveled it. I enjoyed it with happiness as well as pain. The time when all I met her in divine manner was more happiest moments, sitting near her, she talking to me, she crying for me, she caring for me –these all thoughts made me very happy. At the same time thoughts like I becoming irritable to her, her rejecting my yellow rose. She ignoring me, she came with mehendi hands etc. this all gave me immense pain equally.

I then came to realize each journey comes with pain and gain, one needs to travel it to experience it..

                                                                                    Safar with Humsafar ?                       

                                                                                    (Journey with Destiny ? )

                                                               

                                                                          

                                                                             Yours Lovingly

                                                       Pepsikumar